


Comparisons

by PurpleSunrise



Series: TLOU Femslash Week 2020 [4]
Category: The Last of Us
Genre: Abby and Riley are hot firefighters, Adoption, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Everyone is Queer, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Insecurity, Jealousy, My ships have ships and write fic levels of meta, No Beta, TLOUFemslashWeek, TLOUFemslashWeek2020, Warning for angst about having being adopted, angsty Ellie, everyone is poly, very meta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:47:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25629202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PurpleSunrise/pseuds/PurpleSunrise
Summary: TLOUFemslashWeek Day 4 prompt: Modern AU.50% moody Ellie & 50% Riley/Ellie in an utterly meta modern AU tale where none of the bad has happened and there is much polyamory. Background Dina/Ellie but they don’t interact in the fic.Everyone is meant to be hanging out together but insecure new mama Ellie is covered in JJ’s spit-up and feeling a little jealous.OREllie writes fanfiction, her and Abby ship rarepairs, and Riley cheers up a moody Ellie with discussion of fanfic and superheroes.
Relationships: Ellie/Riley (The Last of Us)
Series: TLOU Femslash Week 2020 [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1855300
Kudos: 9





	Comparisons

**Author's Note:**

> Content Warning: Ellie struggles with feeling “lesser” due to being adopted. I hope I have tackled this well, and if you think I could have handled this issue better, please do feedback. (You can do so anonymously via Tumblr — no account needed — if you prefer @PurpleSunriseFanFic)
> 
> This is a written & posted the same day thingy, and while I’m aiming for healthy (or at least not unhealthy), it’s not meant to be a model for poly approaches to jealously or anything. It’s my first time writing aged-up Riley and honestly I very probably sacrificed best-practice poly stuff to enhance the superhero banter opportunities.
> 
> It’s not explicitly stated, but Ellie is clearly working on a fix-it fic :)
> 
> Riley lives, Tess lives, Jesse lives, Joel lives, Nora lives, Manny lives, everyone gets along, everyone (except Joel/Tess) is queer and poly, but not with everyone else: They’re in overlapping pairs. Jesse/Manny, Jesse/Dina, Dina/Ellie, Ellie/Riley, Riley/Abby, Abby/Nora
> 
> Primer for The Defenders (TV) references in this fic:  
> Jessica Jones: Small build yet super strong. Is also known (elsewhere) as Jewel.  
> Luke Cage: Very muscular and, among other powers, super strong, Is one of the “Heroes for Hire.” Played by Mike Colter  
> Iron Fist: An all-around horribly disappointing show that [failed to cast an appropriate lead actor](https://thenerdsofcolor.org/2014/03/11/marvel-please-cast-an-asian-american-iron-fist/) and shared in having the [significant anti-Asian racism problem](https://thenerdsofcolor.org/2015/04/30/black-mask-yellow-peril-anti-asianism-in-netflixs-otherwise-brilliant-daredevil/) as both [Daredevil and the crossover Defenders show.](https://screenrant.com/daredevil-show-jeph-loeb-racism-accusation-peter-shinkoda/)

Ellie wasn’t one to feel jealous very often, but she was far from immune to it. She felt very much like piggy in the middle that day. Dina and Jesse had arrived together, as had Abby and Riley. Manny and Nora had yet to arrive, off doing important life-saving work while Ellie changed diapers.

Riley, Ellie’s first love and still one of her loves, one of her partners, had recently started seeing one of her colleagues in the fire service. Ellie was used to seeing Riley around her many fit colleagues (the job required it), but Abby was astonishingly buff, even by firefighter standards. With biceps like that, she probably didn’t even need to do a fireman’s lift, likely she could just pick a person up with one arm. Probably, she could get one person in each and carry two adults out of the building. Meanwhile, Ellie had popped JJ in sling time free up her tired arms from simply holding a baby. Shit, she was dwelling on comparing herself. That wasn’t going to help a thing.

Then again, she had literally been left holding the baby. And even though she loved him more than any of them, more than she could possibly love someone who wasn’t her child, she still wanted to feel some of those other types of love.

Then again, what did she expect? She couldn’t compare to Abby’s strength anymore than she could compare to being JJ’s actual second biological parent. Especially one who came with a whole, proper family: two loving grandparents to compliment the loving father. Perfection. Unlike her temperamental relationship with Joel and Tess. She loved them both, but it wasn’t easy being adopted age 14. She still needed adults in her life to make executive decisions from time-to-time, but having never had an adult that consistently and truly looked out for Ellie over anyone else, it had pushed all of her buttons when they had. And probably ripped open a few scars, too.

At first, she’s kept all conflict that a secret from Riley, who’d moved to semi-independent living at 16 and absolutely bossed it. But she never could keep anything from Riley, and her friend had done an awful lot to bridge that gap. Without her, it might have taken years, instead of months, for her to mend her big fight with Joel. Thankfully, her oldest friend never did stand for letting her be an idiot, and things were on the mend now. Joel and Tess were awesome grandparents, leaving Ellie torn between feeling guilty about the implication of her worries — that her whole family was inadequate, a pretty shit way to think of the people you love — and her worries themselves: that her dysfunctional adopted ass just couldn’t measure up to any of her co-parents.

And the other non-bio parent in the mix? The most charming man she had ever met? Somehow able to fire off quick-witted dirty jokes while being the most caring and family-orientated of the lot of them? Now she was even jealous of Jesse’s boyfriend. God. That only made her feel more pathetic.

Yep, she was falling down a rabbit hole. She thought she was fronting it out, singing to JJ as she spiralled, but there was one person she never could fool.

She’d begun thinking of the perfect sister she could never compare to, she thought, Forgetting that Joel never once thought like that. But luckily, Riley was walking over to pull her back up.

“Hey, babe, you in there?”   
  


Riley’s soft lips gave Ellie a peck on far side of her cheek, at an angle that meant Riley avoided leaning over the sleeping baby Ellie carried. Riley was pleasantly surprised how much motherhood suited Ellie. She had missed her a little, though, with how busy JJ kept her alongside work.

Given that she was one of a co-parenting team of four, Ellie hadn’t taken any parental leave, or cut her hours, so it really wasn’t a surprised that she was struggling more than her co-parents, all of whom were more practical and less excessively proud than Ellie. Riley could read Ellie every time, especially an insecure Ellie. She tried opening up herself, hoping to ease into a productive conversation about jealously. 

Ellie didn’t take her seriously enough.

“Dude, do not tell me you are jealous of a baby.”

Riley attempt to match her jovial tone, but she’s not exactly feeling great about this. Maybe she overestimated Ellie’s willingness time get whatever was on her mind out of her system and move on. 

“Leave it out, would you? I’m not oblivious to how stupid it is.”

After a beat, Riley turns more serious, hoping for a better reaction.

“It is actually a thing, though. Like even mono people get it sometimes with their own kid who they co-parent as well. And being poly, and not having my own family in the mix...”

“Do not tell me you ran out on me the other day because you thought I was gonna ditch you to go play happy families.” Ellie’s tone was still light, obliviously missing the point in her own blinkered gloom and fatigue. But she soon realised that was a mistake. Riley looked hurt.

Like properly hurt...Which meant she looked absolutely fine to anyone who didn’t know her really well. “Oh, babe, shit...”

Half to herself, but audible enough that Riley heard her, Ellie did one of her awkward mumbles. “Shit...God, I’m such a dick.”

She had to open up to fix this. Yay. Ellie’s favourite thing. Opening up(!) She focused on Riley, and drew on her strength. “I get it, you know. I’ve been standing here trying not to feel utterly pathetic next to your utterly ripped fellow life-saver. Not easy with like 4 different marks on my shirt from hastily wiped away baby spit-up.”

Riley was listening, but didn’t look any less hurt. _Nice one, Miller, Just spread the insecurity right around, why don’t you? Be that fucking dick who wrecks the party._

She knew she had to dig deeper.

“I’m sorry. I was lashing out because I’m still adjusting to mama life, and I don’t feel half as cool or attractive as literally anyone else in your life right now. Even Dina and Jesse and Manny seem to manage without constantly looking like shit. Everyone else, every other parent in the world seems to be better than me. And if I can’t even measure up to other people wearing baby spit up, how the fuck can I measure up to people who aren’t covered in baby goo?”

The honesty was helping, Riley could hear the remorse. They all had their moments like this, and this was well within the stuff they could talk out over a cuddle when they had some alone time. Riley was used to putting her feelings on ice until the right moment: a skill she used in dangerous rescues, letting her make good of coping skills the tricky start in life both her and Ellie had shared taught her. Ellie had never quite mastered it, however, not quite grasping the difference between setting your feelings aside and just burying them. 

Ellie sighs. “I was totally projecting onto you, and it wasn’t cool. Just because I’m not as awesome as Abby, doesn’t mean you’re shallow and gonna ditch me...

I’m sorry.”

Riley finishes up more concerned for Ellie than anything. She seems to have fallen really far down the rabbit hole, considering how much she isn’t one for this type of “you’re gonna suddenly not be poly anymore and abandon me” stuff. Especially after nearly 5 years.

“Okay, now you’re fucking kidding me, dude.

Not as awesome as Abby?

How would anyone compare those things? Why would anyone want to? That’s like comparing The Defenders. You want my bisexual ass to choose between Luke Cage and Jessica Jones? Not happening, dummy.”

Then they both said almost the the same thing and the same, their comments unified into “Except the new Iron Fist, he’s obviously the worst...”

Ellie shut up, hoping to enjoy any opportunity to hear Riley discuss superheroes, but sadly she didn’t go on for too long.

“They really fucked that up.”

Ellie picked up the thread

“Ugh, so much wasted potential, I mean it got a bit better once they paired him up more with Luke, but still Mike Colter really carried them both, even in the actual Iron Fist show, why didn’t they—“

“Okay, man, I don’t need to hear another 90 minutes of Ellie’s guide to everything wrong with the Defenders.”

“Pfft, 90 minutes wouldn’t even scratch the surface, I could fill that time just talking about they should have—”

“Exactly, man! Left alone, you’d hijack this whole gathering into a superheroes lecture! So can it, yeah?”

Riley couldn’t resist teasing her a little.

“Save this stuff for your fanfiction, alright? Keep it between you and the other saddos. All your theories would suit being turned into some badly-written weirdo porn.”

“Hey, fanfiction isn’t “badly-written weirdo porn!” I don’t even write smut!”

That was technically true, if a little misleading...but hey, her reading habits weren’t what was up for discussion here, were they? That aspect of fannishness could stay between her and CollaredCatnip94, thank you very much.

“It’s an awesome community, actually. Everything I write goes on this cool site run by this awesome mostly-women collective who formed to stop men making ad money out of our writing.”

Riley humoured her for a minute more, the pay off would be worth it.

“And, okay, so my first stuff wasn’t that great, but everyone has to start somewhere... And people will find the good in your early efforts and run with it. I even have beta readers now, they check my work and it’s kinda like having a real editor. And these are like, strangers at first that just help you out because everyone tends to support each other. It’s so international, too, like my betas don’t even live in the US: one is Italian and the other lives in Canada.”

As always, Ellie went from talking fast to talking at lightening speed as she got into one. She was too into raving about her hobby to notice that Riley had stared to smirk.

“And aren’t you always the one telling me I need to take criticism better? You should see with my betas, man. I’m all like ‘Lay it on me,’ and they’re all like ‘Okay, this doesn’t work and this needs rewriting and I don’t like what you did here,’ like bang, bang, bang, and then I’m all like, ‘Awesome, I can make it so much better now!’ I almost never get emo about it anymore. You should be showing some respect, dude, not ripping on it!”

Ellie finally takes a proper breath — how she doesn’t turn blue when she gets into one, Riley will never know — and Riley makes her move.

“Alright, alright. For someone who has apparently ‘improved’ that much, you’re kinda touchy, aren’t you, SpaceDinosaurDefender?”

Ellie’s thrown now, which only makes Riley’s smirk grow and grow, until it’s simply a beaming smile.

“You read my fics?” Ellie’s not sure if she’s excited or embarrassed.

“How’d you know it was me?”

Riley scoffs. “What? You think I couldn’t spot my girl a mile away?I’d’ve known it was you even if you hadn’t made yourself the most “Hi, I’m so very obviously Ellie Williams-Miller” handle that was humanly possible:” — Riley repeated it with an affectionate chuckle. — “SpaceDinosaurDefender.

You, on the other hand, are way too oblivious to spot my handle.  
Course I read your fics, dummy. I leave you Kudos and everything! Try checking through those user names again and see if you can figure out my superior references to what is supposed to be _your_ nerd stuff.”

Ellie looks a little awestruck and she pays for it with more teasing.

“I can see why you’re intimidated. My references always were smarter. So I’ll narrow it down, give you a clue. You’re not the only CollaredCatnip94 fan around here, babe.”

Ellie’s face was everything Riley could dream of, so red with embarrassment she looked more like a tomato on legs than a person. Except for her eyes, which had the faintest hint of hope and slight sparkle of need. She was both hot and hilarious.

Riley realised her teasing, which Ellie secretly adored being the recipient of, however much she protested otherwise, was in danger of turning Ellie too far the other way. She was trying to ease Ellie’s look of “Ugh, can I go home?” Not flip her all the way into “So, shall we get out of here?” That was for another time. So she took her girl by hand and pulled her back to walk towards Abby.

“Now come along, my ‘utterly ripped fellow lifesaver’ would actually like to talk to you, instead of just being the target of your insecurities...Unless you don’t want to discuss your fan-theories with someone who has all the exact same rarepair ships as you?”

Ellie’s eyes went wide. “No way! For real? Like all of them, even—“

Riley cut her off, she’d have to hear of all this again in about two minutes, after all. “Yep, all of ‘em, you’re a weirdo match made in Heaven. Now come on, we can get together tomorrow, talk all the heavy stuff out one-on-one, just you and me. But in the meantime, let’s try and enjoy our group bonding time, yeah?”

Ellie’s nearly convinced, but she has one last pang of insecurity.

“Okay, just promise me one thing?

I’m not the Iron Fist of this group, am I?”

Riley’s good-humoured in her reply.

“Okay, man, now you’re just insulting me, you think I’d spent all this time talking to that dude? Come on, Jewel, my Hero for Hire is waiting.”


End file.
